Movie Review - Bloodrayne 2

    And we're back to Bowl again, this time with Bloodrayne's sequel, Bloodrayne 2 - this is going to be a long one folks. Unlike several Bowl sequels, Bowl also directed this one, and oh boy does it show. Natassia Malthe is replacing Kristanna Loken (who had "scheduling conflicts") for the title role . This movie also takes place in the wild west and has absolutely nothing to do with the first movie or either games. Just like the first Bloodrayne movie comes with the Bloodrayne 2 game for the PC, this DVD comes with the first Bloodrayne for the PC. Also worth noting is that the majority of the movie's scenes are too dark to see anything because Bowl still has no idea how to use lighting.

    Before I get onto the movie itself, there’s one thing I really should mention. This DVD won’t let you fast forward or rewind…ever. This is especially frustrating while trying to review since if I miss part of a hilariously bad line, I have to start the whole scene over to get it. This is only worsened by the fact that the scene selection is very poorly set up, and it always skips to the middle of a scene rather than the start of it. Even so, it’s annoying enough when you can’t fast forward through the stupid FBI warning messages, but when you can’t skip to a specific scene that you want to watch or show somebody – SOMETHING IS WRONG. It's also worth noting here that the DVD's default setting shows the closed captioning for the hearing impaired, but that’s not really a problem.

    Anyway, this movie starts with a bunch of pictures set to lame music just like the first one. The pictures have absolutely nothing to do with the movie, except that both the movie and the pictures are in the Wild West.

    We then have some guy walk into the shot and stop.
    "Deliverance, this is it," he says. Apparently Deliverance is a town, so my first question is why would someone call their town Deliverance? I could believe it though, considering how strange town names can get. Looks like the town's missing though.

(didn't think there was snow in the wild west)

Bloodrayne games

    Not too long ago I reviewed the movie Bloodrayne, so now it’s time to review its sequel. Bloodrayne is actually a series of video games, and the movies are “based” on them. Also since I watched and reviewed the cinematic turd known as the first Bloodrayne movie, I played through both games, so I might as well talk about them briefly. Also, tomorrow I'm reviewing the second Bloodrayne movie - and holy crap is it a doozy.

Health Regeneration - a Healed rant

    One of the biggest differences between older shooting games and modern shooting games is regenerating health. Personally, I'm starting to get a little tired of this. Now I'm not saying regenerating health is inherently bad, in fact it works very well for multi-player games, but nobody's showing any imagination here. My problem with regenerating health is not the regenerating itself, but that nearly every modern shooting game uses the exact same system.

(Star Wars: Dark Forces)

    Back when I started playing games, there was no such thing as regenerating health. These games would either have you find health packs, get healed by medics, or sometimes you'd only recover health between missions. Nearly all of the shooting games coming out these days have automatically regenerating health. I'm not saying that regenerating health is inherently bad, and I'm not going to argue whether games should be realistic or not, but I wouldn't mind a bit more variety.

Back from internet problems/ retro-bit controller warning

I've been having some internet problems lately, which is why I haven't updated in a while. In the mean time though, I've still been working on material which will be posted over the next week or so.

Also, I recently bought an N64 controller made by Retro-Bit - brand new by the way. Long story short, it doesn't work right. Holding left, right, and up on the joystick works fine, but if you hold it down all the way, the system thinks you're holding it up. No joke, down on the joystick goes up. I have no idea how they messed that up, but I had the exact same problem when I returned it for a replacement controller.

So as a personal recommendation, do not buy Retro-Bit controllers.

Donkey Kong Country Returns poem

Yeah, I know it's mediocre, but I felt like posting it here anyway.

Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong,
when will you return?
Your last real game was DK64,
And even then, I felt a burn.

How awesome were your classics?
Donkey Kong Country and the arcade
You need to return to your basics,
Like Rare last had you made.

Video Review - Crackdown 2

A short review of Crackdown 2. I very much enjoyed the first, so how does this one fare?

Movie Review - Bloodrayne

Today I’m reviewing Bloodrayne, one of Uwe Bowl’s many masterpieces of cinematic art. Uwe bowl is special – he creates movies based on videogames and actually does a good job. I had the pleasure of seeing Bloodrayne lately, and it may even be his best movie ever. Without any further introduction, let’s get started.

Bloodrayne takes place in medieval times, and starts off with three people walking up to someone’s stall. They are Vladimir, Sebastian, and Katarin (played by Michelle Rodriguez… I’ll just call her Michelle cause’ that’s easier for me.) They are apparently looking for something, or someone, but the movie doesn’t tell us quite yet, keeping up the suspense.  Another random dude walks up to the same stall and asks for some Absinthe, and right away Vladimir stabs him in the chest. The random dude falls to the ground and morphs into something ugly as he dies. I have no idea what just happened, but it was frickin hardcore. The best part here is how nobody seems to react to this at all. The owner of the stall then tells them of some “amazing girl” being shown off at a carnival.

The movie then warps to the carnival where we meet Rayne (played by Kristanna Loken from Terminator 3,) our main character. She’s held captive by the carnival’s owner and is brought into a show tent. They force her arm into a barrel of water and it burns. They then feed her blood and it heals. Ok, so I guess Rayne is a vampire then, so why not just tell your audience this? According to the movie vampires are all over, so I’m sure most of these people would have at least heard of vampires. Oh well, it’s awesome anyway. Afterward, they lock Rayne into a cage.

Video Review - Spy Games: Elevator Mission

                                                                                                   

                                       
                    Click To Play                   

                                       
    Well, I finally finished my first video review. It's very amateurish, but half of the development was figuring out the program and fixing technical problems. I hope you like it, and if you have any suggestions for any future videos, please let me know.