Tuesday, August 31
Game Review - Napoleon Dynamite: The Game
Yup, you read the title right. They made a PSP game based on one of the stupidest movies ever made. I liked the movie enough that when I found this game in a bargain bin for $5, I felt like giving it a try (I only had 3 PSP games at the time.) "Gosh" you might ask, "whoever made that game is an idiot." Well, let's find out.
A while ago (before this blog) I made a review for this game on Facebook. I made the mistake of calling it a good game when in reality, it isn't. Back then, I wasn't really thinking about the game too hard and enjoyed it's simplicity. So what is this game's problem? The answer is simple and obvious...HOW DO YOU MAKE A GAME BASED OFF A MOVIE THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ANY SENSE? Seriously, as much as I like the movie, there really is no way to make a game out of it. It's just as stupid as making a movie about "Dirty Dancing"...wait, they did that one too (warning, strong language in the Spoony review I linked to.)
I guess the first thing that must be said is that this game is a compilation of mini-games. You have a game where Napoleon "was just practicing some dance moves", and another where he does "whatever I feel like I wanna do, GOSH!" (as in, dragging a toy behind the bus and slamming it into obstacles to try to destroy it.) You also get some really crappy "space shooters" that really scrape the bottom of the barrel. In one of them (based on a poster on Napoleon's bedroom door) Napoleon pretends to be some mythical hero and shoots flying penguins, cows, and boss dolphins with frickin rocket launchers attached to their heads. Sorry Dr. Evil, no laser beams this time. The game advertises 30 wacky mini games, but when there really copies of the same 5 games I don't think it's worthy of that claim.
It really doesn't help that every game in this compilation, and I mean every single craptastic game in this pile of garbage, can be found on the internet. Seriously, you can find better flash games on the friggen internet for every single game on this worthless piece of crap.
The game also uses these short story boards reminiscent of games like Super Star Wars to repeat lines from the movie. If it's a licensed game, why couldn't they have just taken clips from the movie itself? I'm sure it wasn't a storage issue seeing how vacuous these mini-games really are. The only thing these story boards will do is make you wish you were either watching the movie, or doing something entirely different.
This game doesn't even have the excuse of being rushed to release with the movie - it released 3 years later. This is a great example of the worst the game industry has to offer, no-name studios cashing in on popular titles to shove their crap onto shelves for a fast buck. This is comparable to games like The Deadliest Warrior (warning, strong language,) and Back to the Future (again, strong language.)
I am not having a killer time; this game is ruining my life, Gosh! It would be nice if my brother would pull me into town for some Rex-quando lessons so that I could kick the friggen idiotic creator's in the butt, or just make a pinata resembling their faces and blast them to pieces with a friggen 12-gauge. They sit around chatting with babes all day while their mothers go to college. They're the kinds of people who steal people's tater tots and steak. This is pretty much the worst video game ever made, and anyone who thinks otherwise is retarded.
Four word review - Decroded Piece of Crap
Vote for Pedro!