Friday, December 30

The most awesome games of 2011

    Instead of talking about my favourite games of the year like I have in the past, I’m going to talk about the most awesome games of the year. This is not a best of list because everyone does them. I’d rather be different. Heck, this isn’t even a list; it’s just a post about the most awesome games of the year. The key difference between the best and the most awesome is that you don’t have to be good to be awesome … although it helps.

Wednesday, December 14

Movie Review - Star Wars Holiday Special

    I will never complain about the Star Wars prequel trilogy again, not after witnessing the atrocity that is the Star Wars Holiday Special. It is incredibly bad, from its constant wookie barking to its completely pointless instruction video for fictional communications technology. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start from the beginning.

(This is what qualifies for comedy in this "special,"
a man dressed like a middle-aged woman on a cooking show)

Saturday, December 3

Wacky Wardrobe

I did a somewhat funny story this week for my school newspaper, so I thought I might as well share it.

The school paper's website is right here

Sunday, November 20

Game Review - Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3

Is this game worthy of its “Ultimate” title?

Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is a re-release of Marvel vs. Capcom 3, which only came out in February. For $40 you get everything in the original fighting game along with 12 new characters, four new maps and tons of balancing tweaks. Some of the original characters have additional moves and all of them have additional in-game dialogue. Is it worth $40 for an upgrade though?

Friday, November 4

Gears of War 3 glitch shots

    Gears of War 3 is a great game. It improves on Gears of War 2 in every gameplay sense possible and the storytelling is improved as well. It's not perfect, and it takes a bit too long to fight against the locusts in campaign mode, but its still the best in the trilogy. That said, I found a minor glitch in the middle of my Insane playthrough. It's nothing major, in fact this happens in lots of modern games, but I still think it was funny. Here are the pictures.

    Yup, when I hopped onto the forklift, Marcus stood straight up, standing on air.When I sidestepped, Marcus turned almost 90 degrees in the direction I was facing. Nothing else really happened and the game still saved properly. AWESOME!

My other blog

    I started another blog about a month ago, mostly because of my new found interest in comics. On it, I review comics from the perspective of a new fan for other new fans or people who are interested but have never tried them out. In every review, I try to explain the basic facts you'll need to know before jumping into the series. Every week I also check out a new title I've never read before without any previous research and judge it on both quality and how easy it is for a new reader to jump on. If you have any interest in comics, check it out. I will still update this blog whenever I have the time, and I have stuff in the works, but for now I'll be working on that one more. Also whenever I review a comic related movie, I'll be posting it on both blogs. Below are two sample reviews from my new blog.

Tuesday, October 25

Movie Review - Mortal Kombat

Believe it or not, there do exist video game-based movies that aren’t completely terrible. Heck some of them are actually OK. By no means is Mortal Kombat a great movie. I wouldn’t even call it good. It’s a dumb, yet entertaining and somewhat competent movie that’s somewhat faithful to the games. That’s not to say there aren’t any problems – there are plenty, but we’ll get to that.

I’m not going to compare it too much to the Mortal Kombat series since most of my knowledge comes from a few Wikipedia searches. Apart from the mediocre Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe, my history with the franchise consists of playing Mortal Kombat Trilogy and the new Mortal Kombat a few times at friends’ houses. I like the series, but I’m certainly not a fan of it. As such, I’ll be evaluating it as a movie, not as a Mortal Kombat movie. That’s enough introduction; on with the review.

Tuesday, October 11

Pictures of FIRE!!!

I've been really busy in school lately, and I haven't had much time to watch any movies. So as a filler post, I'm giving you pictures of a campfire that I took during the summer. Why? Because fire is cool; why not?

Sunday, October 2

Movie Review - Generation X

    Did you know that there was a live action X-Men related movie before X-Men hit the theatres in 2000? I only found out about it two weeks ago. This low-budget TV movie originally aired on FOX in 1996 and mostly features then minor characters in the X-Men universe. Is it any good? Well…

    Before I get into that, let’s talk about the movie’s background and cast. This TV movie is based off of a comic series of the same name. It started in 1994 and lasted until 2001 with 75 issues.  I haven’t read the series and probably never will, but it was fairly well received while it lasted. Most of the titles characters were depowered on M day, a major event that depowered all but 200 or so mutants in the Marvel Universe. The movie itself is about six mutant students in an institute with Banshee and Emma Frost as the headmasters. Some school if there are only six students. Anyway, the students are Jubilee, Monet, Buff, Skin, Refrax and Mondo.

Wednesday, September 21

Gears of War 3 impressions

    This game is awesome!

    As of now, I've only finished the first two chapters in the game so I can't really call this a review. Heck, with all my upcoming school work, I might not finish the rest of the game for a while. I also have yet to try the new horde mode and beast mode. From what I've played so far though, it's an improvement on Gears of War 2 in almost every way. The scale of the action is bigger yet the story feels deeper and more personal. For the sake of this post, I'll assume you know enough about the Gears of War franchise, if you don't - read more here.

    All the new weapons that I've tried are a blast to use, including the beta weapons (retro lancer, sawed-off shotgun and the one shot,) and a giant meat cleaver. Yes, you can use the meat cleaver that some of the larger locusts wielded in Gears of War 2. While it's hard to get close enough to use it on the enemy, succeeding in chopping the locusts to bits is satisfying.

    The game takes place two years after Gears of War 2, which ended in the sinking of humanity's last remaining stronghold. Since then, both the humans and the locusts have become stranded. The real enemy this time round is the lambent, although so far I've fought more locusts than lambent. The lambent explode whenever they're killed, and the bigger they are, the bigger the explosions. The lambent also have further mutations, making every lambent type different to fight against. Even without the lambent though, the game introduces several new monsters to the locusts arsenal.

    Long story short, if you liked either of the other Gears games, get this whenever you can. From where I am in the game, it looks to be the best of the trilogy.

Sunday, September 18

The War Hero

I haven't had much time to work on a review this week, so here's a poem I wrote for my Creative Writing courses. Hope you enjoy.

I was a war hero once,
I fought many battles.
I survived ambushes,
And took many lives.

The enemy feared me,
They fled for their lives,
They cowered behind cover,
Only to delay their fall.

My allies loved him,
My leaders respected him,
Yet I didn’t care,
I just wanted to win.

My objective was clear,
“Take out their leader”,
I was to go in alone,
One shot to finish the war.

I jumped from the plain,
Into enemy territory,
Landed perfectly,
And prepared my weapons.

I scanned the area,
No patrol units around,
I headed toward their camp,
Where my target was.

Finally a patrol jeep,
Seven soldiers in the back,
I hid in the bushes,
As they approached my trap.

I charged the patrol
Shooting to and fro,
Crushing the enemy
And very easily so.

I leapt forward,
Guns in each hand,
Firing away,
My enemies slain.

I took the jeep,
Used it for my own,
Drove closer to the camp,
And stopped on a hill above.

I moved to their camp
Their general in sight,
But before I could fire,
I was attacked from behind.

The enemy surrounded me,
But I didn't surrender,
I basted my way through,
And fled to the hills.

The enemy pursued,
I waited for them.
When they reached my sight,
I mowed them all down.

I collected their ammo,
Having used all my own,
Reloaded my weapons,
And moved back to the camp.

The path was easier now,
Fewer enemies this time,
But before I reached the general,
I received a shot from behind.

I turned around startled,
And there they were,
The enemy’s Special Forces,
Who shot me down.

I shouted in anger,
Threw up my arms,
Turned off the PlayStation,
“This mission’s too hard!

“I’ve tried that mission,
Seventeen times,
I just can’t do it.”
And then downed some beer.

I was a war hero once,
Within my favourite game.
It got too hard in the end,
I still haven’t won.

Monday, September 12

X-Men The Age of Apocalypse

    This X-men crossover is fricken brilliant. It’s dark, intense and it’s probably the greatest crossover Marvel Comics has ever produced.

    Every now and then, Marvel will have an alternate universe story. For example, this past spring there was an Age of X crossover in an alternate timeline where mutant kind was fighting a losing war against the human race. In 2005, there was the House of M – a company-wide event that depowered the vast majority of mutants in the main Marvel universe.  These alternate universes offer glimpses at how differently every major character turned out. But I’m not talking about House of M or Age of X today. Heck, I haven’t even read Age of X. I’m going to talk about the Age of Apocalypse.

Monday, September 5

School again

    I start my second year of school tomorrow, so again my blog updates are going to slow down for a while.

    In addition to that though, I'm not as much into movies and games as I was when I started this blog. I go through cycles of interests. For a year or two, I'll be into one thing, than I'll switch to another. When I started this blog, I was more into games than anything else. Before that, I was into movies. Before that, Music. Right now, I'm into comics more than anything else. Sure, I still enjoy the other three, but lately reviewing bad movies has felt more like a chore than the fun I had before. Heck, I've barely been playing any video games for a while...besides games about Marvel Comics characters and Batman.

    I'll still write reviews for bad movies, but expect them to be less frequent for now. They might be shorter too. On the other hand, whenever I see a movie in theaters within it's first two weeks of release, I'll give a quick review of that too. I might try reviewing a few comic story arcs here and there as well. As for video games, well...I might not even play enough games to have another list like this.

    I still plan on updating this blog, but it might be going through a few changes over the next month or so.

Sunday, September 4

Movie Review - The other Troll 3

    Wait; there are two Troll 3's? By the same director released 3 years apart? How is that fricken possible?

    Before I get into the movie itself, I have to talk about the title situation. Lots of low-budget cash-in shock movies have alternate titles. My personal guess is that the movie makers often changed titles to avoid word-of-mouth. I've reviewed a movie with alternate titles before - namely the first Troll 3. That movie had other titles such as Contamination.7, Creepers, The Crawlers, and Troll 3: Contamination Point 7. My copy is called The Crawlers.

    With this Troll 3 however, the title situation is a little out of control. It's also known as Ator 4. Yes, this is a sequel to two different franchises. What is Ator you might ask? The first two movies were cash-ins to the Conan movies in the 80's. I might touch on them in the future, but for now I'll just focus on Ator 4...or is it 3? Yeah, Troll 3 is simultaneously known as Ator 3 and Ator 4. How confusing can it get?

    The series’ creator, Joe D'Amato, likes to ignore Ator 3: The Iron Warrior, which was created by a different director. He then Created Ator 4 and called it Ator 3 in some regions. So to sum that up, the king of the cash-in accused Iron Warrior of being a cash-in. Wrap your head around that one.

    Other titles for Ator 4/Troll 3/Ator 3 include: The Hobgoblin, Quest for the Mighty Sword, Ator 4: The Hobgoblin, Ator 3: The Hobgoblin, and even Ator I'Invinsible - the same title as the original. Yeah, apparently this is also a re-make of the original. I've touched this series many times before. Heck, I even reviewed the Blu Ray for Troll 2. It's about time I touched on this one.

    This intro has gone on long enough; let’s see whether the title or the movie is the bigger mess.

Sunday, August 28

TV show review - X-Men animated series (90s)

    Ah growing up in the 90's. The decade where Yo-Yos were popular. The decade when every disagreement was settled by rock, paper, scissors. The decade of the Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain. Ninja Turtles, Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis, and some of the worst rap music in history. Excessive sports movies, really slow internet and printers that took two minutes to print a single page. OK fine, maybe not everything in the 90's was awesome, but you get my point. One thing I missed out on in the 90's was all the Superhero animated shows though.

    I recently watched through the entire 90's x-men Animated Series for the first time. As this show doesn't have any nostalgic factor to me, I feel that I can give it a fair review.

    Overall, the show is actually really good. It was also revolutionary as it was one of the first animated TV shows to have a continuing storyline throughout the first few seasons.

Wednesday, August 10

Movie Review - The Giant Claw

    Today I'm watching, dun dun dun, The Giant Claw! This B-monster movie released in 1957, and even then it was ridiculed for its special effects. According to Wikipedia, the lead actor first saw the movie in his hometown. He left the theatre early because he was afraid that people would recognize him...that's pretty bad. Heh, I'm looking forward to this already.

    I knew virtually nothing about this movie going in. Heck, I still know little about this movie after researching it. All I knew is that it's on numerous lists of movies that are so bad their good. Being the fan of bad movies that I am, I had to check it out, and I wasn't disappointed in the slightest.

Thursday, August 4

Movie Review - Return to Oz

    Did you know that The Wizard of Oz has a sequel? Not only that, but while the original was released by MGM, Disney released Return to Oz. Oh, and they didn't get sued for it either. How is that possible?

    Both movies were based off a series of Oz books. The original series of 14 books was written by John R. Neill between 1900 and 1920. The last was released shortly after Neill died. MGM acquired the rights to The Wizard of Oz, loosely based on the original book. Also noteworthy is that MGM's Wizard of Oz wasn't even the first adaptation of the original book, others being stage adaptations, a Broadway musical and three silent films. Needless to say, this was bigger than Twilight ever will be.

    So how did Disney get away with creating this movie? Oh that's simple, they released Return to Oz the year the series became public domain, 1985. Disney did however pay MGM to use the ruby red slippers, which were created for the 1939 musical that needs no introduction.

    Anyway, Return to Oz is a hybrid of the second and third books in the series: The Marvelous Land of Oz and Ozma of Oz. It didn't perform that well originally - receiving mixed reviews and only made $11 million. Heck, Siskel and Ebert gave the movie a rather scathing review and listed it among their "Worst of 1985." It's since gained a cult following, but then again so has Troll 2. Also noteworthy, Return to Oz is not a musical. Is this movie any good though?

    Return to Oz is significantly darker than the 1939 musical. Dorothy, played by a then-young Fairuza Balk, is suffering from Oz withdrawal. Her family is worried about their daughter and they send her to a mental hospital. It's here where she is eventually transported back to the Land of Oz, but not before some rather creepy moments. There's a machine for shock therapy, a nurse that appears rather sadistic to Dorothy’s young eyes. Its way too creepy for a kid’s movie, yet this is just the appetizer.

    After Dorothy returns to oz, she finds that the yellow brick road has been destroyed, the emerald city is in ruins, and all of her friends have been turned to stone. What happened to the magical adventure of the original? What was Disney thinking? If I want to see destroyed beauty, I'll play Gears of War. This is like taking a kid's ice cream cone and covering it in crusty dry mud.

    That's Return to Oz's main problem; it's far too dark and creepy for a kid’s movie, yet way too slow and simple-minded for the average adult. It's not sure what audience it's made for. The worst scene is where a witch, played by Jean Marsh, collects the heads of different women to wear on top of her body, and wants to keep Dorothy’s head once she grows up. What follows is a rather intense scene that even got me on edge a bit, and I usually get bored while watching horror movies. This movie is simply far too intense for little kids.

(This scene will give kids nightmares)

    Another problem this movie has is that it's just slow. It's full of dull talking scenes which over explain things that you could easily figure just by looking at the screen. Scenes that should carry dramatic tension become dull. The slow, quiet soundtrack doesn't help either, only increasing in volume and tempo during the scarier scenes I mentioned earlier. It doesn't help that the movie has very little comic relief.

    That said, it's not necessarily a bad movie. Sure, it's both slow and overly dark, but the visuals are rather strong. The final act involves a creature known as the Nome King, played by Nicol Williamson. The Nome King is basically a moving rock animated by claymation as far as I can tell. It looks brilliant, and somehow both realistic and not at the same time. He bargains with Dorothy, who is trying to restore her friends, and the result is actually really cleaver.

    Dorothy doesn't have the same travelling companions this time around. Gone are the lion, the tin man, the scarecrow and her dog Todo. Instead she's travelling around with a walking clock called Tic Toc, a creature with a pumpkin for a head named Jack, some moose head, and her talking pet hen. You do see her companions from The Wizard of Oz, but save for the scarecrow (whose costume is hilariously cheap here,) none of them have speaking roles.

    It's a fascinating movie to watch if you're a fan of the original or love obscure movies like this, but not necessarily in a good way. I kind of enjoyed it, of it at least. If a darker, sometimes unsettling take on the Land of Oz If the concept interests you, or you're a fan of the original, check Return to Oz out. If not, don't bother.

Wednesday, July 27

Movie Review - Bloodrayne: The Third Reich

    Ah, Uwe Bowl. Do I really need to say anything else? This German director really needs no introduction - he's one of the worst directors of all time. Today I'm reviewing his newest release, Bloodrayne: The Third Reich, his third Bloodrayne movie. While the first two movies had nothing to do with the videogames they were based off of, Bloodrayne 3 has a very strong similarity to the first game - it's about a vampire killing Nazis.

    A year ago I reviewed Bloodrayne 1 and 2, and talked briefly about the video games. It's only appropriate that I review Bloodrayne 3 now that the DVD is finally available. To sum up the first two, Bloodrayne 1 is funny bad at times as it fails on every level of movie making. Bloodrayne 2, while better, is incredibly boring and slow. Which one will Bloodrayne 3 be more like? Let's find out.

Wednesday, July 20

Movie Review - Troll

    To celebrate the release of the final Harry Potter movie, I'm reviewing the first movie this week. Troll is...wait a minute, Troll?

    I'm actually not kidding here. Troll was released before the first Harry Potter book, and not only is the main character Harry Potter, but he's Harry Potter Jr. (his dad is Harry Potter Sr.) Oh yeah, he becomes a wizard too.

    Unlike most of my reviews, this will be a real review rather than a semi-comedic plot summary. Why? Because I should do that more often, and because there isn't as much to make fun of as most of the movies I talk about on this blog.

    I've touched on the Troll movies before. Troll 3 aka. The Crawlers was my first review on this blog, and shortly after that, I reviewed Troll 2. Troll 2 is one of the most famous bad movies out there, so much so that it still makes theatrical runs twenty years later. It had a blu-ray release before Star Wars blu-ray was even announced (I even reviewed it before Star Wars blu-ray was announced,) and more people know about Troll 2 than people know about the first one. That's saying a lot for an ultra-low budget movie that has nothing to do about the original.

    As for Troll itself, it's not nearly as funny as the original, but it's not nearly as bad either. In fact, some things actually work about this movie. Sure, it's very silly and strange, but it might actually be worth checking out.

    The premise is that some ancient evil Troll creature called Torok is transforming a small apartment building into a magical realm. Why? To take over the world of course. An ancient witch, who used to be Torok's lover, and Harry Jr. are the only ones in Torok's way. It's a neat concept; it's just too silly and lighthearted to work.

    The movie's biggest problem is that there's a total lack of build up. The first thing Torok does is kidnap Harry's little sister and transforms his body into her shape. That's not a spoiler because it happens 2 minutes into the movie. Torok acts crazy while looking like Harry's sister. If we saw how the girl acted before she was kidnapped, this could have been really neat. Instead we have no idea how Torok acts different from the "pain in the @**" that Harry describes her as. The movie also has the stereotypical jerk character, but he's killed off 20 minutes in. Some big creature is shown off camera at one point, and less than three minutes later, he's shown. As silly as the movie is, it still would have been much better if it had more build up.

    The movie's silly nature kind of works. Sure, the movie is impossible to take seriously because of the silliness, but it still kind of works. It's hard to explain, but the movie has a certain charm to it that modern cinema lacks. Movies these days take themselves too seriously and often forget that they usually aren't supposed to mirror real life, so it's refreshing to see a movie that makes fun of itself every now and then.

    As for the Harry Potter resemblance, the further I got in the movie, the more I was convinced that it actually inspired the series on some level. The movie has a mystical realm within our real world, with a constant struggle between the good and evil witches and troll creatures. Sure, the Harry Potter franchise has little to do with this movie on the surface, but Troll has the same kind of feel as the earlier Harry Potter movies. It's hard to explain, but if you watch this movie you'll know what I'm talking about.

    Would I recommend it? Hard to say; if you can enjoy a silly flick that's not necessarily good, but lighthearted and occasionally funny, you might like this. It's not good by any measurement, but it might interest Harry Potter fans. It's also fascinating to me because Troll 2 is one of my favorite bad movies and I wanted to see how little it had to do with the original. So in short, if you like Troll 2 or you're a die-hard fan of Harry Potter, Troll might be worth checking out. However if you can't stand mediocre movies overridden with silliness, it's probably better to avoid.

Saturday, July 16

internet problems

Due to internet problems galore, I'm not sure when my next review will be. Heck, took me five minutes to load the new post page.

Monday, July 11

X-Men movies vs comics

    Last week, I ranked all the X-men movies as movies, ignoring the comics as much as possible. Now it's time to get really nerdy as I compare them to the comics as much as possible. Rather than talking about the movies in order this time, I'll just talk about whatever comes to mind. Lots of it applies to all the movies anyway.

    I'll start by talking about the positives, because I don't feel like tearing the movies apart without giving them a chance first.

(Xavior and Magneto in X-Men: First Class)

    Xavier and Magneto have both been portrayed very close to their comic counterparts in the movies. If anything, the movies have portrayed Xavier as more of a saint than in the comics, and Magneto as a more realistic character. Either way, the difference is negligible and I have nothing but positive things to say about how these two characters have been portrayed.

(Xavior and Magneto in either X-Men or X2 - they play chess like this in both)

Monday, July 4

X-Men movies

    I'm taking a short break from reviewing movies this week to talk about the X-men movies. Why? Because since I started reading comics I've been thinking more about these movies. The more I think about them, the more I don't like them. I'm breaking this up into two different posts. For this post, I'll mostly ignore the comics and just talk about the movies themselves, in order of release. The second post will only compare them to the comics and will be nerd rage.

    Before I start tearing them apart, let's focus on the positive.

    It's easy to argue that the first X-men movie revived comic book movies back when it came out. To the average viewer, it wasn't all that bad. Hugh Jackman was great as Wolverine, Proffesor X and Magneto were perfectly cast, and the rest of the supporting cast was relatively strong, save for a few (I'll get to that later.) Another strong point for this movie is Wolverine's relationship with Rogue. In the comics, Wolverine often hangs out with teenage girls. He's not a pedophile; he acts more like a father to them, because being around teenage girls brings out his better side. He'd be a much more savage man if not for hanging around people like Jubilee and Shadowcat, and this movie does a good job at portraying that.

Tuesday, June 28

Movie Review - Hobgoblins 2

    How could Hobgoblins possibly have a sequel? Wait, who am I kidding? Troll has three sequels. Wait...there's another Troll movie? I'll get to that eventually, but the fact is, plenty of bad movies have sequels and remakes. Heck, there's a movie that's literally called Violent S#!t (1989,) and it has three sequels (the fourth released last year.)

    I recently found out about Hobgoblins 2's existence. There aren't too many reviews for this one around, so I figured I'd take a shot. I still wanted to see the first Hobgoblins first though, and it was well worth it. Will Hobgoblins 2 entertain the same way? Let's find out.

    THEY SENT A CAR ACCIDENT VICTIM TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL! What else do I need to tell you? OK I'm getting slightly ahead of myself, sorry. Some company named Halfway 2 Sanity pictures was behind the movie, but I can't find anything about the company on Google - and we all know that's always a good sign.

Monday, June 20

Movie Review - Hobgoblins

    Ah, Hobgoblins. I've been planning a while to review this one. It's supposedly similar to Troll 2 as it's a hilariously bad horror movie that isn't even close to scary. Originally released in 1988, the movie stars a bunch of no-name actors that have hardly shown up in anything since. Yup, sounds like Troll 2 to me, but is it as good/bad?

    The movie starts with a grainy outdoors shot of an old security guard walking beside his workplace. He heads toward a teenaged security guard sitting at the building's gate and listening to music. The older guard starts telling the teen off for listening to music when he should be working. The phone suddenly rings, but when the old man picks it up, he gets nothing.

    "Didn't you hear the phone ringing?" the older guard asks

    "No I didn't," the younger guard replies. Of course you didn't, it wasn't even ringing. Great way to start the movie off, by showing us how poor the sound editing is.

    Eventually, they start their rounds. They walk through what seems to be an abandoned building and into the vault area. The old man starts telling the teen about how the building used to be a great studio of some kind. He also tells the teen not to wander into the vault. The old man leaves to talk with their boss, and guess what the teen does...he goes straight for the vault. So utterly predictable.

    The boss seems like the stereotypical dick boss taken to the extreme, berating the older security guard for taking a while to get to his office, despite it only taking 20 seconds of movie time. He then complains that nobody answered the phone earlier. OK you douche-bag, if both of you had a 2-way radio, why bother with the phone if the guards can't always be at the gate?

    Cut back to the teen, who's now opening the vault and walking in, complete with sinister music. He hears some sort of non-human growling and asks,

    "Is somebody there?"

    Cut back to the other two in the office. The older guard hears static on his radio and barges out, looking mildly concerned. The acting is more wooden than an 30-year-old skid.

Saturday, June 11

Movie Review - Hero Retreat

    This week's review is going to be a bit different, because not only did a friend of mine make it, but it will likely never see a commercial release. My friend, who wants to get into filmmaking, gave me permission to review this here. He probably shouldn't have though, because I enjoy nothing more than destroying the hopes and dreams of my friends (partial Cinema Snob quote there.)

    In all seriousness though, I'm pretty sure this was just a high school student project. Was I entertained by it? Sure, but I doubt anyone who doesn't know those involved will feel the same. Enough about my friend here though, let's talk about Hero Retreat.

Wednesday, June 8

X-Men first class

    As I've said in the past, I enjoyed the first two movies but hated X-Men 3. Even worse was the abomination of Wolverine: Origins - which was almost as bad as the comic book series that gave Wolverine a mystical blade and introduced Romulus. Let's not get into that since this technically isn't a comic book blog though. I came into this movie with no expectations whatsoever. I wanted to give it a chance, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up considering how much I disliked the last two movies. I was ready to give up on the X-men movies if this one sucked, so how was it?

    I thought it was good. It's definitely leagues ahead of Wolverine: Origins, and maybe better than X-Men 2. I'll have to see it again in a few months to be sure, but I enjoyed myself enough. While the movie shows the beginning of the X-men (in the movie's universe anyway,) First Class is more about the relationship between Professor X and Magneto than anything else. The casting and acting was strong throughout, from Beast's self-consciousness about his appearance to Magneto's inner rage. The story ties into the cold war and feels both epic and believable. That said, it's not perfect.

    My main complaint is that the film's climax felt somewhat uneven. At times, the action was fast and intense, at other times it dragged on a little. This is especially true with Magneto's final confrontation with Sebastian Shaw, although I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet.

    Overall, I was satisfied and my faith in the franchise has been restored. If you liked the previous movies, or the comics, I'd recommend this one.

Saturday, June 4

Game Review - Terminator: Salvation

    I started playing this game not too long ago, having found it in a bargain bin for real low cheap. As a fan of the first two terminator movies, I was always curious about Terminator Salvation, but I still haven't gotten around to watching it.

    I've played several Terminator games in the past, and to sum it up, they've all sucked hard. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines for the PS2 is simply horrid, Terminator: The Redemption is unfairly trial and error, and the NES game...the less said the better. Is this game any better?

    Right off the bat this game feels low budget and rushed. Even though most movie games now include at least some of the movie cast, you can tell right away that nobody from the movie was involved with the voices in the game. It's just your average cover shooter with weak friendly AI. You fight against several hovering robots before you reach a regular terminator. Here is where I had to stop playing for a while. Not because they were too difficult, but because I encountered some sort of crashing bug. The game crashed and I had to restart my PS3. I turned the game back on, tried to load my checkpoint, and it crashed again. Yup, within 3 minutes of gameplay, I encountered a crashing bug that forces me to restart my system every time I try to load the game.

10 out of 10.

    Well, deleting my saved game and restarting fixed the problem. Even so, it's a four hour game and the only multiplayer available is split-screen co-op. In other words, it's simply not worth the space on your shelf, even if you get it for free (that's coming from someone who owns both Superman for the N64 and Superman Returns for the Xbox 360.) It had potential, and the graphics fairly decent, but there's absolutely nothing special about this game. Honestly, I'm fairly disappointed that there wasn't more to make fun of here.

Two word review - skip it

Saturday, May 28

Movie Review - Catwoman

    I know it's a bit late, but I'm doing this review partly because Ann Hathaway is portraying Catwoman in the upcoming The Dark Knight Returns. Why not celebrate that by reviewing what might actually be the worst Batman related movie ever.

(Hathaway's promo shot as Catwoman)

    Before I get started, let me say that I know little about Catwoman. All my information on Catwoman comes from the Adam West Batman movie, Batman Returns, Lego Batman, and the little information I've gained from Linkara's comic reviews. As you would imagine, I don't exactly trust sources like Lego Batman and the Adam West series for what the characters are like in the comics. Anyway, let's get this over with.

Tuesday, May 24

Duke Nukem Forever has gone Gold!

    Yup, Duke Nukem Forever, originally announced in 1997, has finally completed it's development. Having taken forever to complete, this game has been the butt-end for so many jokes throughout the years. Rather than repeating one the jokes, I'll just say "FINALLY!" I'm definitely getting the Balls of Steel edition.

Friday, May 20

Game Review - Beethoven's 2nd (SNES)

    For those of you who didn't grow up in the 90's, Beethoven was a movie series about a dog named Mozart. Actually no, it's Beethoven. This is a video game based on the second movie, and oh boy are you in for a hidden gem.

    This game is so amazing that I'm surprised they never made a game based on the other 5 movies, as far as I know. It's brilliantly paced, brilliantly animated, and the sound rivals that of any current-gen blockbuster title, and all this on an old, grey SNES cartridge. Heck, it's so awesome that the titles on the box and the title screen don't match up.

    One could argue that the movie series has the case of excessive sequel syndrome...and they'd be right, but I'll get to that another time.

    This game starts off with Beethoven trying to rescue one of his kids from...a roof - ABSOLUTE GENIUS! You're first obstacle is a fence. You either clear the fence completely or take damage. It's here where you find that the game has the greatest controls ever. Why, they're so good that you can't jump over the fence properly and that it's almost impossible to not get hurt here.

Monday, May 9


    Wolverine with boobs and a chemical trigger; that’s one way to sum up my favorite Mavel comic character. It’s very misleading though. I briefly mentioned her in my previous review, but I feel like talking more about her just cause.

    X-23 is a child soldier character in the X-men franchise. For the first 13 years of her life, she was raised in a laboratory, trained as a killer, and used to kill all sorts of people for money. Eventually she escaped, and killed everyone that worked in the lab, and has since joined the X-men and is trying to overcome her upbringing and find her place in the world. Despite the fact that she was discouraged from any kind of attachment to anyone (the lab even forced her to kill her sensei and her mother,) she is learning compassion for others, even her enemies as of late, and is fiercely protective of her fellow X-men. Oh, and she happens to be a clone of Wolverine. Wait, what?

Saturday, May 7

Game Review - X-Men: The Official Game (GBA version)

    X-Men: The official Game is a tie-in to X-Men 3: The Last Stand. As we all know, games based on movies are always amazing, right?

    To be fair, most movie-based games have a very limited development schedule, and are released at the same time as the movie. As a result, it's not usually the developers fault when the end result is lackluster at best. Most good movie-based games didn't even release with the movie, like Super Star Wars for example.

    So why would I seek out this game, knowing full well that it would likely suck? Curiosity. As I said in my somewhat crappy Deadpool post, I recently got into comics. Part of what pushed me into comics was Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, a recently released fighting game that pits Marvel comic characters against Capcom characters in one of the most anticipated games in the last decade (it's been eleven years since Marvel vs. Capcom 2 first released.) More specifically one character, introduced to me in MVC3, got me into comics - X-23. I'll likely talk more about her in the future, but to make long story short she's a child soldier character who was forced to kill people at a very young age. She eventually escaped the facility, and she's since joined the X-men...and she happens to be a clone of Wolverine. I couldn't really tell you why, but child soldier-type characters interest me, to the point that I've actually written fictional stories about my own characters like that in the past. Anyway, I was curious about X-men: The Official Game for the Game Boy Advance because it's actually X-23's first appearance in a video game.

    I've been babbling on enough though, it's time to start the review.

Friday, April 29

Movie Review - Turks in Space

    Well, I'm back. And what better way to return to this blog by reviewing Turks In Space, a movie I've planned on reviewing for a long time. I'm having trouble saving pictures right now, so I'll upload them when my computer is working better.

    Turks in Space is a Turkish science fiction action/comedy. However that's not the proper translation of the Turkish title. In fact, the Turkish title translates to "Son of the man who saved the world." Wait what? What kind of stupid title is that? Who cares about the son of the man who saves the world, why not just call it "The man who saved the world."

    Oh, that's why, there's already a movie called "The man who saved the world." I get it, it's a sequel. Does the original have a more common title? Why yes, it's Turkish Star Wars. Wait...I'm reviewing the official sequel to Turkish Star Wars? The bad movie I found more painful than Garbage Pail Kids? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    Yeah, I already knew about this movie before I reviewed Turkish Star Wars, but I haven't reviewed this one until now for a good reason - this movie scares me. In fact, of all the bad movies I plan on reviewing, there is only one that scares me more than this one - I'll get to it eventually, but I'm not telling what it is yet. While Turkish Star Wars was painful enough, at least it was trying to be serious. It was fascinatingly bad, and in small parts it can be very entertaining. The plot was pretty simple, even if it was confusing. This movie is trying to spoof movies like Star Wars. Yes, a foreign ripoff/spoof of a movie that's over 30-years-old now.

Saturday, April 9

School's busy

I probably won't be able to post here again for the next two weeks or so. I do have plans for after though, a number of movies I've been planning on reviewing for a while, and a few games as well. Until then, enjoy!

Saturday, March 26

Movie Review - Bride of the Monster

    Hey kids, you know what time it is? It's Ed Wood time!

    Ed Wood is the world's most well known bad movie director. I'm just going to dive straight into this movie - if you want an introduction to Ed Wood, read my Plan 9 From Outer Space and Glen or Glenda reviews.

    Bela Lugosi stars as the mad scientist Dr. Eric Vornoff - the main bad guy. Bride of the Monster is also the first Ed Wood movie with Tor Johnson in it. Tor Johnson is the wrestler that played the giant zombie in Plan 9 from Outer Space, and primarily attacked people by slapping them in the shoulders. His role here is pretty similar here as Bela Lagosi's lab slave named Lobo. You'd think a wrestler would know other ways to take people down without hurting them, but whatever.

Thursday, March 17


    The last few weeks have been really busy, so I don't really have time to write a movie review this week. Instead, I'm just going to talk about one of the most awesome comic book characters in existence, Deadpool.

    Deadpool is a Marvel Comics character. Originally portrayed as a villain, he is now more of a comedic character than anything else. Often breaking the fourth wall for laughs, acting insane, or just talking other superheroes' ears off. He's so popular that he currently has 3 or 4 ongoing series to himself, as well as regular appearances in the Uncanny X-Force. Wait, why am I talking about Deadpool in a movie/games blog? Simple, they're working on a movie. Not sure how long it'll take, but here's hoping they do it right - unlike the Wolverine Origins version.

    So what made Deadpool as crazy as he is. Well, he had terminal cancer, so the Weapon X program, the same program that laced Wolverine's skeleton with metal, injected his cancer with some healing factor. It's kind of confusing, but he's pretty much immortal, his body is cancer, he's insane, and how quickly he heals from injuries depends on his mental state or something like that.

    That's about all I got for now. Hopefully I can post my next movie review next week, but it's already looking pretty busy again.

Thursday, March 10

Movie Review - Supergirl

    What? They made a movie about Supergirl? Seriously?

    Those of you who don't read comics might be wondering, who is Supergirl? Many people might think that Superman is the lone survivor of a planet called Krypton - a planet that no longer exists. However he isn't the only survivor. Some of the survivors are his enemies, one survivor was a dog-like superhero, and another is one version of Supergirl. What? There's more than one Supergirl? Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about here.

    Supergirl is about, well...Supergirl - Superman's Kryptonian cousin named Kara Zor-El. Supergirl is portrayed by then newcomer Helen Slater, and admittedly she does a fairly decent job. The movie released in 1984, one year after Superman 3. While they wanted him to appear, Christopher Reeve didn't want anything to do with any Superman movies at the time so he didn't even make a cameo. It's a long story, but he was upset about the way Superman 3 was handled. I don't blame him, and I'll probably get to that in the future, but this review is about Supergirl and it's about time to begin.

Thursday, February 24

Game review - You Don't Knot Jack

    This game is Genius!

    No really, this game is pure genius. You Don't Know Jack is a trivia game for the Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, PC, and DS. The game has a wicked sense of humor, like the question "Which musician could NOT use his or her name as a Windows file name?" The game is voiced over by the host, Cookie Masterson, whose been in the series since the original.

    Wait...this is a series? Yup, You Don't Know Jack is a series of trivia games that's been around since 1995. The series originally started on the PC., and released more than 10 games for the platform between it's inception and 2003. In addition, the series has seen two PlayStation 1 games, several internet-only games, and a short lived TV show. Yes, a trivia video game that spawned a TV show - that's how awesome this series is.

    Most questions in the game are multiple choice, however this iteration has two other question types: Dis or Dat, and Jack Attack. Dis or Dat lists off seven names/things and you have to figure out whether it's option one or option two - and sometimes the third option of both. An example of this is whether the following is the name of a Pope or the name of a Britney Spears song, and unless you know a lot about Britney Spears or Popes this question is harder than it sounds. The other alternate question, Jack Attack, is always the final question of the game. The Jack Attack is a word association question. A clue is given to help you find the right answer. A word or name then shows up in the middle of the screen, and then a bunch of examples pass by. You have to buzz in when the right example shows up - you'll lose money if you buzz in on the wrong example.

    The game can be played solo, or up to four players. The game is a blast in multi-player, even if you're just watching others play. It can also be played online (except the PC version for some reason.) Multi-player mode adds the screws, which you can use to screw your neighbor. Screwing your neighbor forces another player to answer a question in five seconds. If they get it wrong, you win the money they lose and vice versa if they get it right. Each player gets one screw a game. Also in multi-player, the losing player (player A) plays the Dis or Dat, although the others can attempt to steal money by guessing the correct answer before player A guesses wrong. Also in multiplayer, once someone guesses the Jack Attack example correctly, the game moves onto the next example and the others do not get the money.

    The game is organized into episodes with set questions. The game has over 70 episodes -10 questions + a Jack Attack each - built in and there are more DLC episodes if you get bored. The game is only $30 new, and I think that's more than worth it for 70 episodes.

    To sum it all up, You Don't Know Jack is well worth trying out. It's loaded with cleaver questions filled with entertainingly useless information and witty humour.

Two Word Review - Hilariously Brilliant

Thursday, February 17

Movie Review - North part 2

    North is a terrible movie with a nonsense plot, incredibly insulting stereotypes, jokes that fail harder than the flat earth society, and contains so much stupid that I had to cut this review in half due to time constraints. With that said, let's kick off round 2! For part 1, click here.

    Where did we leave off? Oh right, North travels North to Alaska.

    Graham Greene is North's Alaskan parent, and we see him opening his igloo's machine door with a garage door opener. He is a Native American though, so playing him as an Alaskan isn't racially insensitive. At least they didn't cast a European descendant like Kathy Bates as North's Alaskan mother...sorry, they did - spoke too soon!

    Anyway, this family seems nice enough so far. North is sitting inside an igloo with Greene and Bates. Greene opens a hole in the floor to reveal that he can go ice fishing inside his own home. As luxurious as that sounds, that ice is way too thin to possibly support the weight of the furniture in this house. Who says movies have to obey the laws of physics?

    Greene starts whistling some tune that sounds familiar, but I honestly couldn't tell you what it's called. North and his Alaskan mother soon join in and everyone starts tapping their feet. What's the point of this? Nothing is being said, their all just whistling and tapping their feet. Also the entire floor moves when they tap their feet, furthering my argument that this ice is way too thin to possibly support their weight.