The end

It’s been over a month since I’ve posted here. That’s partly because I went on vacation to Italy with my family but there’s another big reason. I first created this blog to make fun of bad movies and games. I’ve been denying it to myself for a while but I’m just not into bad movies as much as I used to be. Sure, I still enjoy watching them occasionally, but over the last year my movie reviews have become both shorter and less frequent. I don’t like writing about them as much anymore.

I’ve decide to shut this blog down and focus on my comic blog and journalism work instead. It will likely become more of a general nerd blog with a primary focus on comics. I haven’t decided yet. Either way, this blog is finished. I’ll be slowly moving over some of my movie reviews over to my comic blog – at least the ones I’m happy with.

Bibleman review

    It’s been too long since the last movie review on this blog. School’s finally done, the eye strain I was suffering through for nearly a month is almost completely gone, and it’s time to finally review something.

    This review is a bit different. It’s a single episode of a video series. Don’t worry, there’s plenty to talk about here – it’s a Fundamentalist Christian TV show about a superhero called Bibleman. There is so much fail contained in this half-hour episode that I still can’t believe it. The acting is, well … what acting? Neither the story nor the concept makes any sense, and this episode’s villain is simultaneously an absolute genius and an absolute idiot. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Mass Effect 3 review

You're probably wondering why I haven't reviewed Mass Effect 3 yet. That's because my review was published in a legitimate newspaper. Sure, the school paper, but still.
Here's the online link

I had to cut it down due to space limits in the paper. I had to completely remove the multiplayer section for example. My thoughts on multiplayer - it's really good for Bioware's first attempt at a co-op mode. It has its limits, but it's a satisfying experience. And well, you already know what I think of the ending.

Why Mass Effect 3's ending is brilliant

This goes without warning but SPOILERS!

    So there’s this big controversy over Mass Effect 3’s endings. The Bioware forums even have this pole http://social.bioware.com/633606/polls/ where nearly 40,000 people have voted for a brighter ending (as of this writing.) Some people are even saying that the endings ruined the entire trilogy for them. Personally, I love the concept behind the conclusion, but I don’t think the execution was the greatest. But first, it should be pointed out why a happy ending is a bad idea for this franchise.

Why Uncharted 3 is the worst game in the trilogy

    Before I get started, let me say for the record that Uncharted 2 remains my favourite PS3 exclusive and was my favourite game of the year 2009. The game is a fun throwback to movies like Indiana Jones; it has lots of humour, near perfect pacing and a well-rounded story. The game also has excellent graphics and sound. I’ve played other great PS3 exclusives, like Metal Gear Solid 4, Killzone 2 and 3, and the first three PS3 Ratchet and Klank games (I haven’t had time to play All 4 1 yet.) Every part of me wanted to enjoy Uncharted 3 as much as I did Uncharted 2.

Movie review - Brazilian Star Wars

(behold the Millenium Failcon)

    Warning, the movie that is reviewed in this post should not be viewed by anyone. It is an atrocity of epic proportions. To even call it a movie is an insult to every other movie reviewed or even referenced on this blog. You are welcome.

    Brazilian Star Wars is a spoof on Star Wars, if you could call it that. The movie’s official title is Os Trapalhões Na Guerra Dos Planetas, which is roughly translated to “The tramps in Planet Wars.” Who are the tramps? They’re a group of Brazilian buffoons who think they’re the four stooges. Their silly reactions to the movie’s events are so over the top that it will make you sick. Their non-jokes make Disaster Movie look like a work of genius. It makes Garbage Pail Kids look like a sophisticated work of art. To quote the Cinema Snob; “To call them silly would be to take the dignity out of the word silly.” In short, this movie is painfully unfunny – the worst kind of bad movie.

new computer

I haven't updated much lately, mostly because my old desktop computer, the monster, is dead. It's a little hard to run two blogs while in college, working a part-time job, and building a new computer at the same time. My new computer is now complete and while I can't promise at this time, I hope to have another movie review in the next few weeks.

RIP Monster, you have served me well. It's bittersweet to see my first personally owned desktop bite the dust. I saved up for that $2,000 beast for over a year with a paper route. Now, the motherboard is fritzy and one of its capacitors has expanded so much it's ready to leak acid.

But this is not the end. While the monster lays slain, its soul (an upgraded video card I bought just over a year ago) will live on through THE TITAN! In every way it is at least four times as powerful as the Monster.

TV show review - X-Men Evolution

    It was about time I looked at another animated superheroshow. A while back, I talked about the 90’s animated X-Men show. It was for the most part a very good show with only a few bad episodes. At its best, the show was amazing. At its worst, it was painful. Did you know that there are two more X-Men animated shows though (not including the anime series or the 90's pilot that featured an Australian Wolverine?)

I'm posting the rest of this on my other blog, here

The most awesome games of 2011

    Instead of talking about my favourite games of the year like I have in the past, I’m going to talk about the most awesome games of the year. This is not a best of list because everyone does them. I’d rather be different. Heck, this isn’t even a list; it’s just a post about the most awesome games of the year. The key difference between the best and the most awesome is that you don’t have to be good to be awesome … although it helps.

Movie Review - Star Wars Holiday Special

    I will never complain about the Star Wars prequel trilogy again, not after witnessing the atrocity that is the Star Wars Holiday Special. It is incredibly bad, from its constant wookie barking to its completely pointless instruction video for fictional communications technology. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start from the beginning.

(This is what qualifies for comedy in this "special,"

a man dressed like a middle-aged woman on a cooking show)

Wacky Wardrobe

I did a somewhat funny story this week for my school newspaper, so I thought I might as well share it.

The school paper's website is right here

Game Review - Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3

Is this game worthy of its “Ultimate” title?

Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is a re-release of Marvel vs. Capcom 3, which only came out in February. For $40 you get everything in the original fighting game along with 12 new characters, four new maps and tons of balancing tweaks. Some of the original characters have additional moves and all of them have additional in-game dialogue. Is it worth $40 for an upgrade though?

Gears of War 3 glitch shots

    Gears of War 3 is a great game. It improves on Gears of War 2 in every gameplay sense possible and the storytelling is improved as well. It's not perfect, and it takes a bit too long to fight against the locusts in campaign mode, but its still the best in the trilogy. That said, I found a minor glitch in the middle of my Insane playthrough. It's nothing major, in fact this happens in lots of modern games, but I still think it was funny. Here are the pictures.

    Yup, when I hopped onto the forklift, Marcus stood straight up, standing on air.When I sidestepped, Marcus turned almost 90 degrees in the direction I was facing. Nothing else really happened and the game still saved properly. AWESOME!

My other blog

    I started another blog about a month ago, mostly because of my new found interest in comics. On it, I review comics from the perspective of a new fan for other new fans or people who are interested but have never tried them out. In every review, I try to explain the basic facts you'll need to know before jumping into the series. Every week I also check out a new title I've never read before without any previous research and judge it on both quality and how easy it is for a new reader to jump on. If you have any interest in comics, check it out. I will still update this blog whenever I have the time, and I have stuff in the works, but for now I'll be working on that one more. Also whenever I review a comic related movie, I'll be posting it on both blogs. Below are two sample reviews from my new blog.

Movie Review - Mortal Kombat

Believe it or not, there do exist video game-based movies that aren’t completely terrible. Heck some of them are actually OK. By no means is Mortal Kombat a great movie. I wouldn’t even call it good. It’s a dumb, yet entertaining and somewhat competent movie that’s somewhat faithful to the games. That’s not to say there aren’t any problems – there are plenty, but we’ll get to that.

I’m not going to compare it too much to the Mortal Kombat series since most of my knowledge comes from a few Wikipedia searches. Apart from the mediocre Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe, my history with the franchise consists of playing Mortal Kombat Trilogy and the new Mortal Kombat a few times at friends’ houses. I like the series, but I’m certainly not a fan of it. As such, I’ll be evaluating it as a movie, not as a Mortal Kombat movie. That’s enough introduction; on with the review.

Pictures of FIRE!!!

I've been really busy in school lately, and I haven't had much time to watch any movies. So as a filler post, I'm giving you pictures of a campfire that I took during the summer. Why? Because fire is cool; why not?

Movie Review - Generation X

    Did you know that there was a live action X-Men related movie before X-Men hit the theatres in 2000? I only found out about it two weeks ago. This low-budget TV movie originally aired on FOX in 1996 and mostly features then minor characters in the X-Men universe. Is it any good? Well…

    Before I get into that, let’s talk about the movie’s background and cast. This TV movie is based off of a comic series of the same name. It started in 1994 and lasted until 2001 with 75 issues.  I haven’t read the series and probably never will, but it was fairly well received while it lasted. Most of the titles characters were depowered on M day, a major event that depowered all but 200 or so mutants in the Marvel Universe. The movie itself is about six mutant students in an institute with Banshee and Emma Frost as the headmasters. Some school if there are only six students. Anyway, the students are Jubilee, Monet, Buff, Skin, Refrax and Mondo.

Gears of War 3 impressions

    This game is awesome!

    As of now, I've only finished the first two chapters in the game so I can't really call this a review. Heck, with all my upcoming school work, I might not finish the rest of the game for a while. I also have yet to try the new horde mode and beast mode. From what I've played so far though, it's an improvement on Gears of War 2 in almost every way. The scale of the action is bigger yet the story feels deeper and more personal. For the sake of this post, I'll assume you know enough about the Gears of War franchise, if you don't - read more here.

    All the new weapons that I've tried are a blast to use, including the beta weapons (retro lancer, sawed-off shotgun and the one shot,) and a giant meat cleaver. Yes, you can use the meat cleaver that some of the larger locusts wielded in Gears of War 2. While it's hard to get close enough to use it on the enemy, succeeding in chopping the locusts to bits is satisfying.

    The game takes place two years after Gears of War 2, which ended in the sinking of humanity's last remaining stronghold. Since then, both the humans and the locusts have become stranded. The real enemy this time round is the lambent, although so far I've fought more locusts than lambent. The lambent explode whenever they're killed, and the bigger they are, the bigger the explosions. The lambent also have further mutations, making every lambent type different to fight against. Even without the lambent though, the game introduces several new monsters to the locusts arsenal.

    Long story short, if you liked either of the other Gears games, get this whenever you can. From where I am in the game, it looks to be the best of the trilogy.

The War Hero

I haven't had much time to work on a review this week, so here's a poem I wrote for my Creative Writing courses. Hope you enjoy.

I was a war hero once,

I fought many battles.

I survived ambushes,

And took many lives.

The enemy feared me,

They fled for their lives,

They cowered behind cover,

Only to delay their fall.

My allies loved him,

My leaders respected him,

Yet I didn’t care,

I just wanted to win.

My objective was clear,

“Take out their leader”,

I was to go in alone,

One shot to finish the war.

I jumped from the plain,

Into enemy territory,

Landed perfectly,

And prepared my weapons.

I scanned the area,

No patrol units around,

I headed toward their camp,

Where my target was.

Finally a patrol jeep,

Seven soldiers in the back,

I hid in the bushes,

As they approached my trap.

I charged the patrol

Shooting to and fro,

Crushing the enemy

And very easily so.

I leapt forward,

Guns in each hand,

Firing away,

My enemies slain.

I took the jeep,

Used it for my own,

Drove closer to the camp,

And stopped on a hill above.

I moved to their camp

Their general in sight,

But before I could fire,

I was attacked from behind.

The enemy surrounded me,

But I didn't surrender,

I basted my way through,

And fled to the hills.

The enemy pursued,

I waited for them.

When they reached my sight,

I mowed them all down.

I collected their ammo,

Having used all my own,

Reloaded my weapons,

And moved back to the camp.

The path was easier now,

Fewer enemies this time,

But before I reached the general,

I received a shot from behind.

I turned around startled,

And there they were,

The enemy’s Special Forces,

Who shot me down.

I shouted in anger,

Threw up my arms,

Turned off the PlayStation,

“This mission’s too hard!

“I’ve tried that mission,

Seventeen times,

I just can’t do it.”

And then downed some beer.

I was a war hero once,

Within my favourite game.

It got too hard in the end,

I still haven’t won.

X-Men The Age of Apocalypse

    This X-men crossover is fricken brilliant. It’s dark, intense and it’s probably the greatest crossover Marvel Comics has ever produced.

    Every now and then, Marvel will have an alternate universe story. For example, this past spring there was an Age of X crossover in an alternate timeline where mutant kind was fighting a losing war against the human race. In 2005, there was the House of M – a company-wide event that depowered the vast majority of mutants in the main Marvel universe.  These alternate universes offer glimpses at how differently every major character turned out. But I’m not talking about House of M or Age of X today. Heck, I haven’t even read Age of X. I’m going to talk about the Age of Apocalypse.