Sunday, March 14

Movie Review - Toy Story

    For anyone who's ever heard of this movie...if you can call it that, you know what an abomination it was. This movie single-handily destroyed my childhood. It made me think that my toys would come to life, sitting there waiting hours on end hoping for some sign of life.

    The whole point of the movie is that toys come to life when their owners aren't around. How dumb can you get? It's about as plausible as a cell phone learning how to juggle running chainsaws while driving a motorbike drunk...it just doesn't happen. Anyway, lets begin the review.

    It starts with a kid, Andy, playing with his toys. He looks like he's having fun, but it only makes me wish I was playing with toys instead. Then he starts running around the house dancing with his favorite toy. What's next, is he going to propose to this toy? And another thing; why is this toy named "Woody"? Isn't this supposed to be a kid's movie? Why would you name the main character Woody? And what's with these graphics anyway? They're horrible.

    Anyway we soon learn that it's Andy's birthday, and long story short he gets a new toy, Buzz. OK...so our two main characters are Woody and Buzz. Wow, real imaginative names here. Worse yet, this Buzz doesn't know he's a toy. I guess bringing in some delusional character is going to bring a bunch of stupid jokes with it. Yup, it does...when does this movie end?

    So Buzz becomes Andy's new favorite toy and Woody feels jealous. Come on, I'm sure it would take a lot more then being stuffed under the bed before thrown into the toy chest of death and then you'd get jealous of a new toy taking your spot. Wait, that happens? Oh well, maybe he does have a reason to be jealous.

    Woody decides to knock Buzz behind Andy's desk with a remote control car. Wait, so not only do the toys come to life, but they are intelligent too? Well...Woody's plan goes haywire and knocks Buzz clean out of the house, which is bad since Andy's moving soon. The other toys notice this and beat up on him until Andy comes in to take Buzz to Pizza Planet. He decides to take Woody inst...wait, Pizza Planet? They made a restaurant called pizza planet? Is this turning into Star Trek now? OK, now this movie's officially too much. It started out as implausible and stupid, but now it starts ripping off people.

    Buzz somehow made it onto the roof of the car, and when Andy and his mom stop for gas, he drops in for a toy vs toy fight to the death. This scene could actually be improved by some Mortal Kombat music. They fall out of the car, and then Andy and his mom get back in and drive off. What? Andy didn't look to make sure Woody was still there? I thought someone who had an unhealthy obsession with his toys would notice that his ex ISN'T WHERE HE LEFT IT!


    Woody and Buzz finally decide to put aside their differences and work together to follow Andy. They stow away on a Pizza Planet delivery truck, where Buzz actually wears a seat belt. Finally, something worthy in this movie, teaching kids that if you don't wear a seat belt, you will suffer like Woody did in the back, being thrown all around and crunched by a tool chest. What's a tool chest doing in a Pizza truck anyway?

    The truck arrives at the restaurant, and Buzz moves to the back to announce this to Woody. Woody pushes his way out...wait, the tool chest didn't kill him? I was getting my hopes up, but I guess they wanted this movie to be family friendly. Oh well.

    Skipping over the Pizza Planet part, Woody and Buzz are somehow taken by another kid, Sid. Sid just happens to be Andy's neighbor...what? Well how's that for plot convenience. At least once they get out of the house we won't have some stupid adventure of them trying to get back. Sid likes to destroy toys, and they portray him as evil because of this. Why? I don't know. I always thought this was perfectly normal. This movie's as backwards as an Xbox that can somehow play PS3 games, but not Xbox games.

    Eventually we get to a rather deep conversation where...you know what, I can't pretend I hate this movie anymore. This is one of the greatest, if not the greatest CG animated movie ever. It's family friendly, funny, and has heart all in one. Everything I tried to show as negative is actually good. The characters, while kids toys, have adult problems. I still find the name Woody kind of weird though, but that could be my somewhat dirty mind showing.

    It was the first fully CG movie, and it's probably because it was so good that there is an overload of them lately. Heck, it was even ripped off by a movie called "Toy Soldiers".

Overall, if you haven't seen this movie, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

My two word review : Awesome movie!

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