Movie review - Brazilian Star Wars

(behold the Millenium Failcon)

    Warning, the movie that is reviewed in this post should not be viewed by anyone. It is an atrocity of epic proportions. To even call it a movie is an insult to every other movie reviewed or even referenced on this blog. You are welcome.

    Brazilian Star Wars is a spoof on Star Wars, if you could call it that. The movie’s official title is Os Trapalhões Na Guerra Dos Planetas, which is roughly translated to “The tramps in Planet Wars.” Who are the tramps? They’re a group of Brazilian buffoons who think they’re the four stooges. Their silly reactions to the movie’s events are so over the top that it will make you sick. Their non-jokes make Disaster Movie look like a work of genius. It makes Garbage Pail Kids look like a sophisticated work of art. To quote the Cinema Snob; “To call them silly would be to take the dignity out of the word silly.” In short, this movie is painfully unfunny – the worst kind of bad movie.

Movie Review - Star Wars Holiday Special

    I will never complain about the Star Wars prequel trilogy again, not after witnessing the atrocity that is the Star Wars Holiday Special. It is incredibly bad, from its constant wookie barking to its completely pointless instruction video for fictional communications technology. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start from the beginning.

(This is what qualifies for comedy in this "special,"

a man dressed like a middle-aged woman on a cooking show)

Movie Review - Star Wars Episode 4 Adywan cut

    Let me introduce you to the world of fan edits. Just like there's a culture for bad movies, there's also a culture for fan edits of movies.

    There are fan edits of the Superman movies, like one that combines Superman 1 and 2, an edit of Star Trek Generations that removes all the Caption Kirk scenes, fan edits that split the Lord of the Rings movies into six books like in the original novels, and of course the subject of this review, a very well done fan edit of the original Star Wars. I only know the creator of this version as Adywan, but he spent two years working on this version of the film.

    Adywan's cut is basically a combination of the original theatrical release and the special edition. Many of the controvertial scenes in the special edition and DVD edition were removed; for example, Han shoots first and the Jabba scene was removed. Despite all these removals, many of the technical improvements still remain. In addition, he fixed colouring issues that the DVD version ignored, he improved the destruction of Alderan, and he did this to the Death Star battle.



    Yeah, he went there! Not only does the climactic battle now feel like a battle, but he even added the planet Yavin in the background - something I never even noticed was missing from the original. Adywan made over 150 changes, both big and small. It just goes to show how dedicated the fan-base is for this franchise.

    In my honest opinion, this is the best version of the original Star Wars, and I recommend it to any Star Wars fans out there. For someone whose seen this movie at least 57 times, this version somehow feels fresh and new. Next week, a bad Superman movie most of you have probably never heard of.

Four Word Review - The Real Special Edition

Movie Review - Turkish Star Wars

    Back in the 80's, Turkey loved to rip-off Hollywood movies that they couldn't watch in their own country. This is one of them. Now Turkish Star Wars isn't the movie's real title, as the real title translates to "The Man Who Saves the World." In addition to that, the plot has very little to do with George Lucas's cinematic classic. So why is this movie called Turkish Star Wars? The answer is simple really, it directly uses Star Wars footage. If this were done in North America, there would be lawsuits galore. Some of these rip-offs weren't all that bad, but most of them, like Turkish Star Trek for example, are an absolute chore to watch. Turkish Star Wars happens to be one of the bad ones.

But the real question is, how bad is it? Read on to find out.

Worst 8 Star Wars Prequel moments

    Ah Star Wars, one of the biggest and most important sci-fi/fantasy franchises in the world. Apart from the six main movies, there are tons of video games, hundreds of novels, comics, several TV shows...a movie based on one of the TV shows. To sum it up, the Star Wars franchise is huge. The original Star Wars movie is widely considered as one of the most important films of all time and the fact that the series is still going strong 33 years later certainly says something. George Lucas, the original creator of the series, only directed the first of the original movies. Just over twenty years later, he decided to direct three prequels. While the prequels did have their moments, they did not live up to the original trilogy in any way. With that, let's look at some of the worst moments of the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy.


8. Battledroids - In the original trilogy, the enemy used Storm Troopers. They were humans in full body armor, and despite their inability to shoot our heroes, they were a frightening army. Heck, the name Storm Troopers has been used in history; infiltration specialists hired by Germany near the end of World War 1. So what replacement does the prequel trilogy provide us? Battledroids! OK, the concept of having robotic enemies kind of works, but when these droids are as fragile and silly-looking as they are, they simply can't be taken seriously. It doesn't help when they're controlled by a space ship orbiting the planet, or that they sound like cartoon characters in both their voices and their dialogue.

    In Episode 2, we got Super Battledroids, and they were a huge improvement. They smashed regular battledroids out of the way and fired lasers from their wrists. They looked like they could even take on terminators, and they could actually kill Jedi knights. These new super Battledroids were cool...until they spoke in Episode 3. They ended up being just as weak and silly as the regular battledroids, thus destroying all credibility they once had. The sad thing is these Battledroids could have been really cool, but in the end they just suck. After watching how badly the Clone troopers pwned the droids on Geonosis, one must wonder how the Clone Wars lasted three full years or why it was so famous in the times of the Empire.