Monday, November 22

Movie Review - Troll 2 (Blu-Ray)

    Yup, you read that right. I'm reviewing the Troll 2 Blu-ray. Back when I first reviewed this work of pure genius, I was new to reviewing movies. In fact, while it wasn't the first review I posted on this blog, it was the first movie review I ever wrote. As such, I'd like to re-visit this masterpiece one more time, and acquiring the blu-ray is the perfect opportunity to do that. So let's re-review Troll 2!

    First of all, the quality of the blu-ray disk itself. It looks absolutely perfect for a blu-ray disk - even better than Avatar or Star Trek 2009!  It especially looks good when film grain shows up in the backgrounds, which seems to happen in every indoor scenes. It's also visually stimulating when image blur occurs. OK, fine. The picture isn't perfect, but it's rather impressive for a low-budget title from the 80's. At times you'll see plenty of clear images and extra detail that you cannot see on the DVD, even when up-scaled. In fact, I honestly think Troll 2 looks better on blu-ray than the Total Recall does. The transfer seems a bit...lazy. - I wasn't expecting much, but still.

    How about the extras? This disk comes fully loaded with a crap-load of extra features like, um...the theatrical trailer and... an interactive menu. Seriously, that's all the extras you got? Why not have a trailer for the documentary "Best worst movie"? Because that documentary probably accounts for half your popularity right now Troll 2, you should probably pay it some respect.

    But what's the point of spending all that money for the high definition version of Troll 2 if the movie isn't all that great? Well fear not citizens! Troll 2 may be the greatest cinematic masterpiece of all time...OF ALL TIME! It involves trolls, no I'm sorry...goblins feeding people green mush that turns them into vegetable-like vomit and then eat them. It's incredibly scary because the only way to survive them is to, gulp, not eat the food they give you. Even more terrifying is that to kill them, you have to touch a rock.

    Not convinced yet? What if I told you that the lead actor was, and still is a dentist? How about that the costumes were designed by Laura Gemser, a porn star. Because hiring a woman who made a career out of wearing nothing to design your movies costumes is always a recipe for success. Besides, she was in Ator 3(the 4th Ator movie,) which was also known as the second Troll 3 meaning that she's been involved with the Troll franchise before. And according to IMDB, if you like Ator 3, you'll love PETER JACKSON'S RETURN OF THE KING AND KEVIN COSTNER'S ROBIN HOOD! (as of this writing anyway.)

    In all honesty, this movie is bad, really bad. However it's the kind of bad that I can't get enough of. This movie is what inspired me to start watching and reviewing bad movies. It's hilariously bad and I've watched it through at least four times. That's more times than I've sat through Casino Royale, and that's my favorite Bond movie. It's not the funniest bad movie I've ever seen, and personally my favorite bad movie is Plan 9 From Outer Space, but I still enjoy this crap whenever I pop it in.

Two word review - Awesomely bad

Two word disk review - As expected

Hm, Plan 9, I haven't reviewed that on this blog yet.

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