Saturday, February 27

Movie Review - The Room

    Normally when I do a bad movie review, I sarcastically try to say it's good. This time however, I have no idea how to try to make this movie look good. Quality wise, it is easily the worst movie I have ever seen. Yes, it is funny bad, but not as much as it is mind-numbingly bad. I heard about this movie on the news and that people were still watching it in theaters because of how bad it was, so I had to watch it.

    The plot is that this guy, Johnny, loves this girl, Lisa , but she doesn't like him anymore and falls in love with his best friend, Mark. Lisa and Mark have an affair, Johnny finds out, and then shoots himself. Somehow, the movie needs 90 minutes to explain that. The whole movie is a mess; we start off with three sex scenes in the first 20 minutes (which almost caused me to quit right there thinking it was porn flick,) and then one more...a full hour later. Apart from that, the whole thing just seems out of order, and no scene - and I repeat - no scene lasts more than 90 seconds. You get the girl talking to her mother about the exact same time at least four times in the movie, and if that's not enough, she also talks to her friends about THE SAME THING. The whole movie also takes place in three settings: a living room, a bedroom in the same house, and a roof (I'll assume it's also the same house.) The only other locations are either stock footage of city streets, or the most useless scenes I've ever heard of - a bunch of guys just throwing around a football with no dialogue whatsoever. Yeah, this paragraph pretty much sums up all I can say.

    This movie is so bad, it's just un-reviewable. It's interesting to say the least, maybe even entertaining, but it's still unbelievably bad. There is no way I can properly give this movie justice with words alone. Considering how un-reviewable this movie is, I am just going to have a "Big Bad Ben's Top 10 Worst Quotes" list:

10. "She's a stupid b****. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?"


9. "Hi, doggy!"

There is no dog in this movie, and Johnny was talking to Mark.

8. "I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you darling."

That's...kind of...random.

7. "I like watching you guys."

Being right before the opening sex scene/pillow fight. That's not creepy at all.

6. "Well, the results came back - I definitely have breast cancer."

It doesn't help that the woman saying this line has the driest acting I've ever seen, or that the cancer is never mentioned again.

5. "If you think I'm tired now, wait until you see me tomorrow."

[rolls eyes]

4. "Chocolate is a symbol of love."

I thought that was a heart. And since when is chocolate a symbol of anything? Chocolate's awesome, yes, but it's not a symbol of love.

3. Mark: "I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street."
Johnny: "Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark."

Yeah, what a story, um...ha...ha...ha.

This next one is just after Johnny kills himself

2. Lisa: "I've lost him but I still have you, right? Right?"
Mark: "You don't have me. You'll never have me. You killed him."
Lisa: "Mark, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you!"
Mark: "Tramp! You killed him. You're the cause of all of this. I don't love you. Get out of my life, you b****!"

Um, dude?! You have equal blame in this, you know that right?

This last one is just amazing.

1. "Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love."

What? Marriage has nothing to do with love? I, uh...I got nothing.

I guess my two word review is...Holy Crap!

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